


Public Faces, Private Pain

by der_tanzer



Series: Protective Custody [10]
Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-19
Updated: 2010-05-19
Packaged: 2017-10-09 14:10:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/der_tanzer/pseuds/der_tanzer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Murray wants to go, all Quinlan can do is let him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Public Faces, Private Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Tag/summary for Boz Busters, so major spoilers.  
> 

I was the first one to know Murray was leaving. He told me even before he told his best friends, which kinda makes me rethink that designation. I didn't try to talk him out of it, either. I wanted to, of course. More than I ever wanted anything, and that includes the first time I nailed his ass. But he was right. It was a great opportunity. Artificial Intelligence and all that jazz, and him at the head of it. I couldn't tell him not to take it. Couldn't tell him that I needed him, that I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Oh, he said he wasn't really going anywhere. It's not that far away, we'll see each other on weekends or holidays or some such shit. We both knew it wasn't gonna be the same, but he wanted that job and I wasn't gonna take it away from him. So I made my promises, told him what he needed to hear, and sent him home to tell his friends. I heard they didn't take it as well as I did, but then neither of them drinks anywhere near as much as I do.

The goodbye party was probably the worst part. Sitting there at that table with Stivers, the guy who was taking him away from me, and pretending to be glad he was going. We'd been pretending for so long that there was nothing more between us than friendly enmity, it should have been easy. But it wasn't. God, no. When Cody came and joined me, I had my little joke all ready, but it didn't feel funny. It felt lonely and sad. It felt like a lie. And it _was_ a lie. I didn't want them to go, _I_ wanted to go. If there was any way to tag along, I'd have done it. I even looked into a transfer, but the PD up there wasn't hiring.

So I went to the party and did my thing, let everyone make their jokes and laughed like I didn't have a care in the world. But I did. I also had a shot of vodka in my punch, and that helped, but not enough. I still saw the looks of pity Ryder and Allen were shooting out the corners of their eyes when he held up that t-shirt and everyone laughed. He had to pretend it was a joke, but I saw his eyes, too. The dartboard gave me the opportunity to leave without looking like a spoil-sport, and I went home to finish getting drunk.

Oh, that wasn't the last time I saw him. He stayed with me the night before he left, and I went along when the guys drove him to the airport. But I was sure he'd forget all about me once he got into his work. Murray's a dedicated guy. That's one of the things I like—oh hell, one of the things I _love_—about him. So he got on the plane and that was it. He was gone. I never even got a phone call.

Later on, that made sense. When Cody called me from Sunview to say he was missing, I knew he hadn't forgotten. In fact, he was probably thinking of me most of the time. That was what haunted me while I was driving up to join the search. That he could be scared, hurt, maybe dying, and hoping I was coming to find him. If I didn't, if he was lost for good, if he died waiting for me, that would be the end of everything. I drove the whole way with my foot on the floor, the speedometer needle hovering around 100, lights and sirens clearing the way.

The police in Sunview told me what had happened, what was _still_ happening out on a country road somewhere. I thought the trip from Redondo had been long, but compared to those last few miles, it felt like just a couple of minutes. Anyway, I made good time. I got there right behind the Sunview cops and found Nick sitting on one of the kidnappers while Cody huddled on the ground with Murray, trying to keep him warm. But they were both shivering, soaked to the skin. Murray looked like a drowned puppy, and at first I didn't know why. I didn't see the crate at the edge of the pond, or the pickup gradually settling into the water, upside down.

I didn't notice those things until I'd already reached him, dragged him away from Cody and onto his feet, until I was hugging him and feeling him shake. I saw the crate as I was turning around to take him back to my car. In that moment, I could have killed people. If Murray hadn't needed me to hold him up, I probably would have. Instead, I led him to the car and sat him down in the front seat. I turned on the engine so he could run the heater, got a blanket from the trunk to wrap around his trembling shoulders, and then just sat there and held him while he cried. For himself, or Bradley, or the hurt he caused his friends, I don't know. It doesn't matter. All that mattered was that he was in my arms again, with nowhere to go but home.


End file.
